Live

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Twelve Days of Christmas

Yes, I know the twelve days of Christmas are the days after Christmas, but this is what my life has felt like the last twelve days:

On the first day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me a visit to the ER.

On the second day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the third day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the fourth day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the fifth day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me five absent days,

four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the sixth day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me six cups of coffee,

five absent days,

four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the seventh day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me seven nurses nursing,

six cups of coffee,

five absent days,

four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the eighth day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me eight smart doctors,

seven nurses nursing,

six cups of coffee,

five absent days,

four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the ninth day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me nine party orders,

eight smart doctors,

seven nurses nursing,

six cups of coffee,

five absent days,

four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the tenth day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me ten loads of laundry,

nine party orders,

eight smart doctors,

seven nurses nursing,

six cups of coffee,

five absent days,

four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me eleven dirty dishes,

ten loads of laundry,

nine party orders,

eight smart doctors,

seven nurses nursing,

six cups of coffee,

five absent days,

four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

the heavens sent to me twelve carolers caroling,

eleven dirty dishes,

ten loads of laundry,

nine party orders,

eight smart doctors,

seven nurses nursing,

six cups of coffee,

five absent days,

four airplane rides,

three midnight drives,

two jewelry parties,

and a visit to the ER.

On our way home from Maui, Mom had a pain in her chest that reminded her of the pain she had last year (which turned out to be a huge pulmonary embolism) so we cancelled our flight and went to the ER in Seattle. The doctor cleared her for travel (no embolism, nothing wrong with her heart) and recommended she follow up with her oncologist.

Dr. Wheler did tests – there was fluid in her right lung and in her abdomen from the cancer. Dr. Wheler prescribed good pain meds and scheduled a paracentesis (removal of fluid from the abdomen) for Monday, December 6. Pain meds didn’t work, fluid drain didn’t provide relief.

We went to the ER at MDA on Monday afternoon. The ER doc said Mom should have a thoracentesis (removal of fluid from the lung) on Tuesday morning, prescribed morphine, and scheduled the procedure. No relief.

By this time, Mom had been in pain for a week, and she was rating it a 7-8 out of 10 (worst.) More pain meds prescribed, but one of them kept her too sedated, so the doctors adjusted it until there was a balance of pain control and alertness. Mom finally got an analgesic to deal with the inflammation caused by the fluid in the lung and abdomen, which helped immensely.

Susan flew into town on Wednesday afternoon and literally got to MDA right at the time the pain meds balanced out and Mom perked up! After a week of constant pain, struggling to breathe and talk, Mom’s pain level was at a 5-6!

Susan took over the mom management, and Mom went home on Friday. I went to work and did two Stella & Dot parties on Saturday. Mom  rested over the weekend and is now rating her pain at a 4, sometimes even a 3!

All was going well…

…until Coco ate 5 Hershey’s kisses from a bowl Susan set out on a table between two chairs. Susan called the pet hotline, and they told her to induce vomiting, which she did. I’ll spare you the details.

Susan and I went to church on Sunday and heard lovely music, a great sermon, and enjoyed the festive Christmas spirit.

I did another S & D party on Sunday, and all was going well.

THEN Coco ate one of Mom’s knee highs. For real. Susan had to take her to the emergency vet clinic last night at 10:30, where the vet induced vomiting. I was up past midnight, waiting for a text from Susan to tell me whether my dog was alive (she is.)

Four medical crises and three visits to the ER later, the patients are resting comfortably.

Susan has decided to move to Australia.

1 thought on “The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Twelve Days of Christmas

  1. Too bad this is “for real” because it is really funny! Hopefully the next 12 days (which would end with Christmas) are not song-producing… 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *