Life

Creepin’ In

My ears are still ringing. Shortly after my last blog post, I went to see my ENT, and he said my ears and sinus cavity were “perfect”! ARGH!!! I went to my audiologist later that same day, and she did a hearing test and a tinnitus evaluation, and yep – I’ve got it! For no good reason!

Doctors don’t really know what causes tinnitus, and there is no known cure. It’s kind of just “deal with it.” I cried. And cried and cried and cried. In the ENT’s office. In the audiologist’s office. In the bathroom. In the lobby. I couldn’t go back to school. I was just overwhelmed with the idea that *this* was what my life would be about now. I felt like I just couldn’t catch a break! I was finally getting my life together, and now my mother had incurable cancer and I had this fucking ringing in my ears!!!

Then I saw J that afternoon, and as we talked, I confessed that I had taken a LOT of Excedrin the week before when I had a bad caffeine-deprived headache that wouldn’t go away, and she thought that aspirin was the likely culprit, which was actually good news because if it was the aspirin, the tinnitus would eventually go away.

I don’t know if it was the power of suggestion, but that night, I noticed the ringing wasn’t as loud, and over the course of that week, it faded to a barely discernible clicking sound and it didn’t really bother me anymore. I thought, well, I’m an idiot for taking that much Excedrin (I’m talking a LOT) and I just won’t take it anymore and things will be fine.

But then it creeped back in again.

There is a Dolly Parton/Norah Jones song called “Creepin’ In” that goes “And once it has begun/won’t stop until it’s done” and I remember “hearing” that song over and over when I was crying in the bathroom that day. An apt description of this damn tinnitus if there ever was one.

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